The Mike Stories, Pt. 21

So today I learned that Mike's steam cleaning method involves heating water on the stove to boiling, then tossing it around the living room (see below). Eventually he does get around to using our steam cleaner to suck up the water - but I thought it looked like a lot of the mischievous sort of fun to throw water all over the carpet while I was watching him work earlier.

I'm not too fond of the last step, however, which involves trying to dry the resulting wet carpet. not only does it take forever, but Mike goes ahead and brings every fan we own into the living room area and sets them on high. the wind factor in my living room is annoying this time of year, as is the fan noise!

Here's a fun conversation Mike and I had in the kitchen while he was on the water-boiling phase of this carpet cleaning adventure (and I was working on my madder dyeing project - see my other blog for details):

Mike: you shouldn't be in here
Me: but I'm dyeing!
Mike: you're dying?
Me: uh-huh!
Mike: oooooh - that kind of dyeing!

The Mike Stories, Pt. 20

One a couple of weeks ago, I found a roll of toilet paper caught between the blankets when I was trying to go to bed. I made a face and asked Mike about it, which sparked the following conversation:

Mike: you never know when you might need it!
Me: why might i need toilet paper in bed? do you think i'm going to pee the bed?
Mike: you can't be too careful.
Me: so that applies to the possibility that i might pee the bed, but not to fire safety and the possibility that you might burn down the house?
Mike I'm not going to burn down the house!
Me: right.... so that's a good reason not to install the smoke detector, but you still think you need toilet paper in the bed?
Mike: yes!

And then just now, we're getting ready to leave the house to go out to a late lunch, because I've been trapped in the house for 36 hours watching my madder experiment while it sat on the stove. (read my other blog for details). Here's how that conversation went:

Mike: you should go get ready so we can go. I'm hungry.
Me: I'm almost ready, I just need to put my clothes on.
Mike: yeah, that takes a long time. first you have to look at your hair, then you have to check your pores....
Me: check my pores huh?
Mike: yeah, that's why girls get that magnifying mirror isn't it? i've seen Sex and the City, I know what's up!
Me: you are a funny man, Mr. Roshak!

[little does he know that i skipped checking my pores in favor of writing this latest Mike Stories episode for you] ;)

The Mike Stories, Pt. 19

Mike and I were sitting in the living room watching tv and doing homework when a commercial for the new Wii Pictionary game came on. Mike suggested that I should invite my artist friends over to play pictionary with me. I told him that was an awesome idea, and agreed that I should... he wanted to know if i would put out a variety of different drawing media for use during such a game of pictionary - why not?!

then I asked him if he would be intimidated playing pictionary with a room full of artists. he said "no, why should I? it's all about the guessing!" then I reminded him that when he draws, maybe nobody would know what it was.... that was when it dawned on him that he would be on a team, and he could lose the game for his team if he couldn't draw something in such a way that people could figure out what it was.... so he said "yeah.... maybe i'll be scorekeeper then!"

The Mike Stories, Pt. 18

Mike and I have tickets to the whole film noir cycle at the Seattle Art Museum, and we're about halfway through it right now. Last night we went to see The House on Telegraph Hill. After the movie, on our way back to the car, I casually asked Mike if he had noticed that we're (by far) the youngest audience members each week. He said:

"yeah, i think an old folks home drops off a bus of people"

I just started laughing, and reminded him that the movies were made in the 1940's - and that the oldest people we see in the audience were probably just kids when the movies came out, and that a lot of the people we see when we go to SAM each week probably remember watching these movies (or movies like them) when they were kids. It would be like Mike and I getting excited and going to a special showing of '80's movies in a theater when we're elderly.

Then he tells me:

"yeah, but i see them all hanging out together in the lobby before the movie!"

i asked if he was talking about them being all lined up outside the theater (to which he replied that he was), and so i told him that they were probably lined up to buy their tickets. I told him that not everybody bought a ticket for the whole series like we did - and that we get to skip to the head of the line and just go in because of our pass to the whole cycle. I'm still a little confused at how it didn't occur to him that a whole line of people outside of a movie theater were just there buying tickets. How is it that the first thought that came to him about it was that they must have all been friends from the old folks home?

Mike cracks me up!

The Mike Stories, Pt. 17

Last night Mike and I were laying in bed talking, and somehow the topic of underwear came up. Not just any underwear, but Mormon underwear. For some reason, Mike was convinced that Mormon underwear was made of burlap. (we spent about 10 minutes arguing about it: Mike saying "yes it is" and me saying "no it's not")

Then Mike told me he was going to look it up. I told him: good - you should! then you'll see that you're wrong!

Mike swore that it had to be either burlap or wool, and that it was supposed to be uncomfortable. Naturally I disagreed, but then he went on to tell me that it was supposed to be uncomfortable for some sort of religious suffering purposes. I called him a liar.

Then he got out his iPod, which gets internet access - and found a photo of Mormon underwear from the 1800's. I told him he was SUPPOSED to be looking for modern Mormon underwear, and that antique Mormon underwear didn't count (although I suspect it still wasn't made of burlap)!

Eventually Mike found a website that described Mormon underwear as being made of any lightweight material. I told him that neither burlap or wool would count as lightweight, and therefore he was wrong. plus my understanding is that the underwear is worn as a reminder of God's protection. (do I have any Mormon readers who can verify that)?

The Mike Stories, Pt. 16

Me: what should we do now? it's almost 10 o'clock, so I don't want to put another movie in... I'd fall asleep for sure!
Mike: yeah, you have been really tired lately!
Me: I know!
Mike: I wonder why?...
Me: because I've been avoiding caffeine!
Mike: oh, is that it?
Me: well caffeine wakes you up!
Mike: oh, I didn't know that!
Me: yes you did!
Mike: oh yeah... I knew that.
Me: you dork!

The Mike Stories, Pt. 15

Today on the drive home from Hermiston, OR, I was reading What To Expect: Eating Well When You're Expecting. I'm trying to get a jump start on eating right before I become pregnant. While in the car, I got to the section on weight gain, which outlined how much weight women should expect to gain, depending on their personal situation, the rate they should gain the weight, and so on. A part of that section breaks down where all of that weight goes. a certain amount to the baby itself, a certain amount to the placenta, the uterus, extra blood and fluids, etc. Please enjoy the following conversation we had in the car at this point in my reading! ;)

Me: holy crap!
Mike: what?
Me: when I get pregnant, I'm going to gain two pounds in my boobs!
Mike: wow!
Me: that's a lot! TWO pounds! to my BOOBS! That's a pound per boob!
Mike: yes, that's a lot!
Me: (finally looking up out of the book and up at Mike) oh. my. god. just look at the big fat grin on your face!
Mike: I'm not grinning! (still grinning)
Me: yes you are!
Mike: no I'm not! (still grinning)
Me: yes you are! it's because you're thinking about my enormous boobs when you knock me up!
Mike: No I'm not! (even bigger grin)
Me: you are too! you have a giant, ear to ear grin on your face!
Mike: do not! (still grinning)
Me: liar! I can SEE it!
Mike: oh. (still grinning)

The Mike Stories, Pt. 14

Mike: huh? I wasn't paying attention [the topic was sex]
Me: What planet are you from? You're supposed to be from Mars!
Mike: Wait, aren't you supposed to be from Mars?
Me: No. I'm from Venus!
Mike: How come you get to be from Mars?
Me: I'm not. I'm from Venus!
Mike: Have you read that book?
Me: No.
Mike: Me either.
Me: Venus is a goddess, and Mars is a god. Therefore I get to be from Venus, and you're from Mars.
Mike: ooooooohhhhh. I get it.

The Mike Stories, Pt. 13

Mike has recently taken a strong interest in The Mike Stories, and has even tried to influence them (which seems kind of redundant, since they are about him).

First, Mike took Spanish Mike to the next level, by giving him his very own facebook page. (connect to Spanish Mike here). As you would expect, Spanish Mike only posts in Spanish. The first thing Mike did after creating a page for Spanish Mike is as follows:

Mike: Spanish Mike's relationship status is "complicated"
Me: Yeah, I know. Pat thinks that's really funny.
Mike: yeah... well, you should facebook divorce regular Mike, so you can facebook marry Spanish Mike, since it won't let you have 2 relationships.
Me: how about no.
Mike: but!! you should!!
Me: how about this: when we renew our vows in Vegas, we'll do it in Spanish... then I'll think about it.
Mike: will you wear one of those Spanish skirts?
Me: do I get a Spanish speaking Elvis to officiate?

then he wanted to know if I was reading Spanish Mike's page. I told him I don't speak Spanish. Then he told me I should copy/paste it into Google Translate. I told him that he should seriously just translate for me if he wants to tell me something.

Next up, Mike wanted to help create the title for Pt. 12 (see previous entry)... and most recently he has been trying to promote his own fame. We went out with Marilee & Shane over the weekend to SAM to see the Warhol & Kurt exhibits before they ended, and (since we were meeting Shane for the first time), I mentioned to Mike that he would be meeting someone for the very first time who had known of him first via The Mike Stories. Thinking this was extraordinarily cool, Mike told me that The Mike Stories need a facebook fan page. (he tells me he needs fans). dare I tell him that all of his fans are really my fans, since you're all enjoying Mike through my perspective? figuring i might as well indulge his self interest, you can 'like' The Mike Stories on facebook here. check it out, pass it on, and befriend Spanish Mike while you're at it.

The Mike Stories, Pt. 12: Pillow Talk Exclusive

Last night at approximately 11pm:
Mike: I'm closing my eyes now. that means you can't see me anymore!
Me: I think you're confusing us again, because I can still see you. You're the one who can't see!
Mike: no you can't!
Me: yes I can!
Mike: no you can't!
Me: [poke] yes I can!
Mike: hey! you can't see me!
Me: yes I can!
Mike: hmmmph! no you can't!

(5 minutes later)

Me: [poke] I still see you!
Mike: [laughing] no you don't!
Me: yes I do!
Mike: no you don't!
Me: no, it doesn't work that way. when you close your eyes, everybody else can still see you. you're not invisible.
Mike: yes I am!
Me: no you're not!
Mike: yes I am!
Me: I hear a Mike Story coming on!
Mike: [laughing] you should call it Mike Stories: Pillow Talk Exclusive!

The Mike Stories, Pt. 12

Mike has progressively gotten worse about his cell phone. There was a time not too long ago, when he had a normal phone that he actually had with him on a regular basis. I even remember him sending me sweet cell phone photos when he would go hiking after work, like pictures of daisies because he knows I like them, and pictures of the sunsets.

Then Mike discovered Verizon Dave. Verizon has an app you can use for GPS driving directions. Considering Mike's total lack of a sense of direction, Verizon Navigator was the best thing ever for Mike. (You can choose the voice, and the different voices have names. He went with one called Dave, and we called him Verizon Dave. we even considered addressing a Christmas card to Verizon Dave)

But then Spanish Mike got ahold of Verizon Dave and changed the voice to a Spanish speaking girl voice. That definitely messed with Mike's sense of direction, but on the other hand probably helped with the Spanish learning. (it was also kind of funny).

I suspect it's also Spanish Mike's fault that Mike got rid of the Verizon phone altogether and got one of the cheap pre-paid phones through another company. Then Spanish Mike discovered some service through Google, and swapped out his phone number for that, which is supposed to forward all calls to a phone of your choice. the theory is that it can send your calls to your desk phone during the day at work, and to your cell or home phone in the evening and weekends... or at least i think that's supposed to be the idea. Spanish Mike isn't too big on explanations.

The problem with all of this is that although Mike does have a crappy cell phone without directions.... he never takes it with him. it's always left at home, hiding in the bathroom or under the bed. Every time I have tried to call him in the past 2+ months, it's gone to voicemail. it's totally annoying.

I tried to call Mike tonight to ask him to pick up some stuff to throw on the BBQ for dinner on his way home, so neither of us would have to leave the house again. Naturally I heard his phone ringing about 15 ft away from me when I tried to call him. (big surprise).

Maybe an hour after that, Mike walked in with a bag full of groceries - including a bunch of stuff to BBQ for dinner tonight! Maybe Spanish Mike doesn't need a phone because he can read my mind!

The Mike Stories, Pt. 11

Me: What are you doing?
Mike: Reading the internets
Me: oh... what is it?
Mike: Do you want me to send it to you?
Me: no... just tell me. I don't want you to send it.
Mike: I'm going to send it!
Me: I'm not opening it! I'll just send it back!
Mike: There! Sent!
Me: Well I'm sending it back!
Mike: I cleared my chat history! so there!
Me: oh yeah? Well I'm sending it back! There! Take that!
Mike: oooh, what's that? (clicks on the link, so he has the same site open in 2 windows)
Me: DORK!

The Mike Stories, Pt. 10

The Deck Mess
Mike has been tearing out the deck in the back, which is an especially good thing since he discovered that the wood was very weak and that we could have fallen through the deck at any given time... The problem here is that this is taking much longer than he had lead me to believe, meanwhile leaving a mess that looks like someone put dynamite under the deck and blew it up... there are boards (with nails sticking out, mind you) everywhere... tools everywhere (Mike leaves tools laying around all of the time. I was taught that tools get put away when you're done with them, so you can find them next time... and so they don't rust when you leave them out in the rain. Mike's mess of tools drives me nuts, but I digress)

Tonight
Me: Mike, You should go to the store and get snacks!
Mike: No, you should go!
Me: But Mike, look what your deck mess did to me! (pointing at a big scratch on my leg)
Mike: What were you doing out there, running around?
Me: No, I was letting the dog out, but you have mess everywhere and there's no clear path, so it's like landmines out there!
[note: there is a big temporary fenced off area especially for Morpheus to run and play where there is NO deck mess... at least the dog is safe, right!] :)
Mike: Well look at this... and this... (pointing to various scratches)
Me: Is that from your deck mess too?
Mike: Yes... and this, and this... and this bruise...
Me: Well you know what that proves?
Mike: What?
Me: That you should clean up your mess back there!!
Mike: I was working on it yesterday!
Me: I don't believe you, because it's worse today than it was yesterday!
Mike: (laughs)
Me: So you should go to the store.
Mike: OK.

The Mike Stories, Pt. 9: Follow Up

still no word on the remote, but Spanish Mike did go to the effort of putting TNT in Spanish. it's been stuck that way for 2 days now. (he finally e-mailed instructions to put it back into English)

Answers(?) to some of the mysterious occurrences of late:
According to Mike, the potholder was in the freezer 2 days ago so that he wouldn't burn the freezer, and the orange was in the upstairs bathroom because he was bringing it to work.

The Mike Stories, Pt. 9

Mike has been learning Spanish on his own for quite some time. (since even before I met him, I think). It's rather slow going compared to taking a class... but he's made a lot of progress. A few months ago he started watching Spanish kids' shows. Then he found some kind of flash card app for his iPod that helps him learn words. Most recently he's started reading a Spanish book and he's recording a Yoga workout show that airs in Spanish...

...all of this is very cool, but I've discovered that Spanish Mike is quite different than Regular Mike. Regular Mike doesn't watch much tv (Spanish Mike watches a lot of tv). Regular Mike refuses to go to yoga with me (Spanish Mike goes to the effort of recording a yoga workout show so he can do it whenever he feels like it!). Regular Mike never ever reads for pleasure (but Spanish Mike sure does!).

In light of all of this strange stuff that Spanish Mike does, I find myself sitting in my living room alone wondering which Mike is putting strange things in strange places lately. Two days ago I found a POT HOLDER in the freezer. Yesterday I found an orange in the upstairs bathroom. (I don't even want to know why you would need an orange in the bathroom). This morning I found Mike's cell phone left in the downstairs bathroom, and the cable remote is missing (again)... I have a feeling it will turn up in a bizarre location - i've already checked the freezer. not there.

Regular Mike does lose stuff on a regular basis... but these latest strangely placed items are just a little too weird for Regular Mike... I think Spanish Mike might hide things with a flair for the weird.

The Mike Stories, Pt. 8

i think mike has a subconscious wish to have our house robbed... quite possibly also burned down, but at least robbed. either that or he's working on a malicious underground plot to get my cats to run away. he's actually been successful with both cats if that's his goal...

i'll explain: Mike has issues with the doors. he won't lock them. half the time he won't even close them. About a month ago Akira snuck out the back door after Mike went out and forgot to shut the screen door all of the way (as far as we can tell anyway). He was missing for a couple of days. Masaaki was actually the first one to notice Akira's absence. Masaaki started behaving strangely - he was wandering the house restless and howling... then we discovered the source of Masaaki's anxiety - his feline buddy was nowhere to be found... on one hand it's totally adorable that they've bonded so well... on the other hand it just makes the whole situation that much more heartbreaking when one of them has gone missing.

Akira eventually showed up. it appears that he snuck out, ran into something scary, hid under the deck, and waited until after dark to bravely approach the door to try to get back in. we had the window open so he could hear Masaaki crying for him... when i was about to close the window for the night, there he was, right outside the window staring right back at me. he was a little scardey cat once we did finally entice him back in. poor guy. it only detered him for a couple of days from trying to rush the front door every time we open it, though. he's a stinker.

Where Mike was successful at losing Masaaki is a much more disturbing story. Masaaki is the worlds biggest weenie cat. i've never worried about him trying to get outside, because frankly the outside world scares the crap out of him. he sees an open door and he runs the other way and hides. he's certain that everything out there is one gigantic plot to kill him, and i'm just fine with him thinking so.

well... during the past week I've had some sort of death cold, and have been doing nothing but sleeping and occasionally eating. On Saturday night Mike went up and drew a bath for me... after asking if he had locked the doors, i went up to relax for the night. the next morning i got up a bit early hoping i'd have the energy to go to a dog show (that was Sunday - i made it, and it rocked!)... when i made it downstairs i immediately saw that the door was hanging open. not just unlocked (as Mike is so fond of doing) but actually hanging open. it was open about a foot. I poked my head out and there was Akira sitting on the front step. I ordered him back in, and in he came.... i closed the door and went looking for Masaaki...

Masaaki wasn't in the house. we checked everywhere! the most likely scenario is this: the door was open ALL night... when Masaaki discovered this around bed time, he most likely hid from it... then perhaps watched as Akira wandered out... even realized that Akira didn't get jumped and murdered the second he went out... and (heaven forbid) Akira seemed to even be enjoying his little outdoor adventure... perhaps sometime around 3 or 4am Masaaki worked up the courage to venture out too... then ran into something that scared the crap out of him... like... oh... say.... a slug... then he probably bolted and hid somewhere until nightfall the next evening.

when we checked outside in the morning, he was nowhere to be found. To his credit, Masaaki is the most excellent hider i have ever seen in my entire life. that evening we tried shutting Akira in the cat room (yes we have a cat room. disgusting isn't it?)... so we could open all of the doors and hope that Masaaki would wander in on his own. knowing what a big weenie he is, i just wasn't sure what to expect. it was totally anticlimactic. nothing happened. we had to shut the doors and go to bed. i left the window open upstairs, though, so i could hear him if he started howling (howling is Masaaki's other special talent).

...and howling he did! an hour or two after we went to bed he started in. he was right outside the front door howling to get in, and came right in when i opened the door. it was probably the only act of bravery i should ever expect out of the cat, as i'm sure it took every ounce of courage the poor guy had, and then some! he remained skittish and nervous all night, and even through to this morning. about an hour after i got home, though, he was back to his old self, jumping up next to me on the couch and demanding attention.

guess what else i found when i got home today? Mike forgot to lock the front door when he left for work this morning. i've already explained to him numerous times that he is not invincible, his house is not invincible, and that people really do get their houses robbed... and that the first line of defense against that sort of thing is to lock the friggin doors like everybody else with any sort of common sense does. but does he listen?...

[originally published 6/8/2009]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 7

Last night I told Mike that my 2009 new year's resolution would be to lose some weight. I'm tired of packing around the weight I gained on our honeymoon.. and before that I gained weight in grad school, and I'd like to lose that too. He was very supportive... right up until I told him that my boobs would shrink. At that point he told me to never EVER mention that again. (it was so funny that i've been mentioning it all day today) heh

[originally published 12/28/2008]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 6

OH. MY. GOD.

this is all Mike's fault.

we got an e-mail this afternoon requesting yet MORE information... after i had been told that they had everything they needed (for like the hundredth time)... they need Mike's 2006 tax return..

so Mike calls me and asks me to send it for him... he said it was on his laptop... so i pulled up the friggin' my docs section, and found 2007 returns... that's it. there was a turbo tax file for 2006, but it was all messed up. i tried "print to pdf" and all it actually saved was some instruction letter, that was completely useless.

so i asked Mike 'don't you have paper copies of this stuff somewhere?' (like everybody else?!!!)... he said he does, they're in his file thingy... and guess what he did with that????? he PACKED it in a box somewhere.

why the hell he would PACK that when he knows damn well that the bank is going to call and ask for more information is beyond me.... on top of it, Mike is NOT an organized packer. he'll take random items from every room in the apartment and put them all in one box together... it makes it next to impossible to find anything... i told him i am most certainly NOT going through every box he packed to find something he knew he should have left out in the first place...

and he better NOT delay the closing date because of this. if it does, then we'll have to call U-Haul and re-schedule our truck, re-schedule the movers we hired, and re-plan everything with all of the friends and family who have set aside time to help us move on Saturday... plus we're wasting my winter break... i had PLANNED on using my winter break to move, clean the apartment & unpack stuff into our new house... at the rate Mike's going, we'll be in this friggin' apartment until Valentine's Day... and does Mike even act like it might be an inconvenience for anybody? NO! he's bouncing around like la-dee-da... everything happens by magic and it won't matter. i swear, men do this on purpose don't they?!!! (i wish i had something that did the opposite of xanex that i could spike his drink with and get him in gear and acting like this stuff needs to happen ASAP!)

** in an un-related, and more up-beat side note - i bought and installed a new power supply for Andrik today ALL BY MYSELF! that's right folks, i've graduated to fixing my own computer.

[originally published 12/23/2008]

The Mike Stories BONUS

Bonus Mike Story!
Mike: I don't see why we keep spending so much. I don't think we're very good at managing a budget.
Chrissy: It's because you don't share information about what bills you need to pay every month.
Mike: That shouldn't matter, I'm talking about how much we're spending.
Chrissy: If we both knew what was in your head about the bills you pay each month, we would be able to create a more realistic budget. Plus when I ask you if you still have bills to pay later in the month, you've been lying about it, so we both end up thinking we have more spending money than we really do.
Mike: (confused look)
Chrissy: Will you just tell me which bills you pay each month?
Mike: I don't pay any bills. You pay them.
Chrissy: What about your phone bill?
Mike: Oh yeah, I pay that.
Chrissy: And your student loan?
Mike: Oh yeah, that too.
Chrissy: And car insurance?
Mike: Yeah, and that.
Chrissy: And you have a credit card?
Mike: Yeah....
Chrissy: I thought you didn't pay any bills.
Mike: Well I guess I pay a few...
Chrissy: If I don't know about them, I can't plan ahead for them very well... do you see why we have a budgeting problem?...
Mike: Well I just told you about them.
Chrissy: I give up.

[originally published 10/14/2008]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 5

i don't like storing things up high for a number of reasons. right up near the top of the list is the fact that i'm short, and can't see (nevermind reach) things that are stored up high. i also live in Washington and we occasionally have earthquakes here, and i'm not fond of crap falling on my head. stuff stored on top of refrigerators, cabinets, and the like also tends to look messy. in short it's a big pet peeve of mine.

here comes the Mike part... Mike knows i don't like it. i've told him a billion and one times that i don't like it. i periodically go through the apartment (step stool in tow) and clean off all of the crap he's been collecting up high, on top of non-storage type objects....

...yet, like clockwork, crap keeps appearing up there. he's driving me crazy. he knows it, but he's still doing it. i don't get it.

...how do you train a man to put things away in the right place? not just hide them up high where i can't see them? (or where they look like a mess, just a mess up high)?

[originally published 9/21/2008]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 4

Mike had never been to the state fair before. He told me he had gone to small local fairs when he was growing up, but when i described to him the wonder and amazement that is the Puyallup fair, he couldn't quite imagine it. He thought I must be remembering the grandness of it all through little kid eyes or something... so (to prove just how massive it really is), we went this afternoon...

Mike spent all day telling me things like "this place is huge! I can't believe how BIG it is!!!" ...we kicked off the day with corn on the cob & a trip through the cat barn. we tried to see some horses in action in the arena, but they had just finished a show as we started walking in. Instead we went wandering through the big state fairgrounds. Mike won me a stuffed hippo at one of the games (he is the first guy to ever bother attempting to win me something, and most certainly the first guy to ever succeed at it. i'm telling you, it was just meant to be. i mean he won me a stuffed hippo even. how killer cool is that?)

then, lets see... we stopped and made a doo dah bird together. he didn't even know what one was before today. he thought i was making it up when i told him about them... i had first mentioned it at Danielle's wedding when they did the unity sand thing. i saw it in the program and asked "what is it, like a doo dah bird?"... and he thought i was nuts. anyway our bird came out very colorful and fun. it's a new ornament for my computer desk!

we went on the ferris wheel, through a lame haunted house, through a fun house with a mirror & window maze & funny mirrors that made me look like a short, fat midget (that wasn't my favorite part of the day by any means)... Mike discovered the chairs with the vibrating foot rest thingy you can turn on by putting coins in the chair. he thought i was a big hero when i told him i had 50 cents... until he got it going and discovered it wasn't all it was cracked up to be...

we saw some livestock, watched a cow get milked in the cow barn... and at the end of the night i discovered he was too chicken to go on the swings ride with me. that one's not even one of the upside-down scary rides. it's just fun. Mike's funny.

but i will say this ~ it's totally fun to go to the fair with an easy-going adult who's never been before. It's like seeing everything through the eyes of an awe-struck kid, except you aren't at the mercy or your parents telling you it's time to go home now. we had a blast! i don't think i've had that much fun at the fair since I WAS a kid!

[originally published 9/8/2008]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 3

I went to pick up my best friend and her daughter at the airport last night. We were going from there to a restaurant to get a really late dinner, and I asked Mike to use the navigation thing in his phone to find directions to get there. So I'm talking to Jennifer and trying to follow Mike's directions at the same time....

I was doing pretty good, and was headed toward International Blvd when Mike starts waving his hands all over the place and FINALLY at the last minute tells me i'm going the wrong way on a Y intersection, so I get over... and guess what? the lane he told me to get in took me right back into the airport (where traffic sucked).

turns out i was headed in the right direction on that Y after all. (personally, I think he wanted to take a tour of the construction that's been happening at the airport. either that, or he wanted to show Jennifer just how bad his direction-giving skills can be. it's a toss up).

[originally published 7/25/2008]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 2

Mike likes to "clean" the apartment sometimes. to the innocent observer, he does a great job. he picks things up, does the dishes, takes out the trash, cleans the kitchen... he even cleaned the bathroom mirror & swept the balcony!...

...but what the innocent observer wouldn't notice is that Mike also loses things in the process. he loses weird things, too. like for example, he "cleaned" the apartment on friday, and today when i finally got to making the labels for the wine favors, i couldn't find the labels or the cd containing the photos for the labels. i remembered where i had left them, but they weren't there anymore. instead a newspaper and a stack of programs were in that spot. so i asked Mike if he had seen the cd.

he asked "what cd?"

i explained to him that it was the cd with our engagement photos on it, and it was in a paper sleeve... i showed him an example of what it would look like, even!

he said he didn't remember. then he "found" the cd by his feet. (imagine that).

then i told him i was also looking for the labels for the wine favors. he starts rifling through random papers and such... and i told him they were in packages, not loose... and that they were with the cd last time i saw them. i even pointed to the spot where they were when i left the house on friday....

nothing helped. he hadn't kept them together when he put them on the floor (mind you, they did not start out on the floor. they were not on the floor so they wouldn't get messed up when i left on friday)

i finally found them mixed in with some photo paper that i had been using last week. i definitely hadn't put them anywhere near photo paper last week. and they were really mixed in, too.

so what should have taken 5 minutes at most, if Mike had left the wedding stuff where i had put it... or kept the cd and labels together, or at the very least remembered where he had hidden the stuff... the whole process took like an hour. i have 4 more days to get this stuff done! he's driving me crazy! i don't have time to hunt for wedding stuff like it's Easter!

(i wonder if he has a secret blog somewhere where he discusses his latest plans to frustrate me)....

[originally published 7/22/2008]

The Mike Stories, Pt. 1

The Mike stories are inspired by my good friend, Hillary. Hillary loves the Mike stories that I tell. Usually I tell them because I'm venting about something Mike recently messed up. Sometimes I tell them because they're funny and we can share a good laugh. Either way, the point is... Mike's a boy. Mike does the things that boys do, and sometimes that means losing things or otherwise messing things up a bit.

My good friend Hillary is also a wonderful storyteller. My favorite stories are about her brother (who is horrified that she tells them in the first place).

So in the spirit of storytelling, Hillary style... I bring you the Mike stories. Here's part 1:

. . .

ok, so i had some postage stamps around here somewhere, and i lost them in the wedding mess that has taken over my apartment.. and Mike asked me for one. i told him they were lost... instead of looking for them he told me he would go and buy more.

so i told him "good, get the wedding heart ones so we can use them for the thank-you cards!"

he said "ok"

...and then he comes home and tells me he got stamps.

i ask "are they wedding hearts?"

he says "no"

i say "oooooohhhh.... [confused pause] what are they then?"

instead of answering, he tells me "you can't get wedding heart stamps at Safeway. where are you supposed to get wedding hearts?"

i told him "the post office, goofball... what did you get? stupid flag stamps?"

he finally tells me he got some with bells on them. ugly bells, too. i told him to keep them to himself.


it's a good thing i found the ones i had lost earlier.

[originally published 7/16/2008]