Today on the drive home from Hermiston, OR, I was reading What To Expect: Eating Well When You're Expecting. I'm trying to get a jump start on eating right before I become pregnant. While in the car, I got to the section on weight gain, which outlined how much weight women should expect to gain, depending on their personal situation, the rate they should gain the weight, and so on. A part of that section breaks down where all of that weight goes. a certain amount to the baby itself, a certain amount to the placenta, the uterus, extra blood and fluids, etc. Please enjoy the following conversation we had in the car at this point in my reading! ;)
Me: holy crap!
Mike: what?
Me: when I get pregnant, I'm going to gain two pounds in my boobs!
Mike: wow!
Me: that's a lot! TWO pounds! to my BOOBS! That's a pound per boob!
Mike: yes, that's a lot!
Me: (finally looking up out of the book and up at Mike) oh. my. god. just look at the big fat grin on your face!
Mike: I'm not grinning! (still grinning)
Me: yes you are!
Mike: no I'm not! (still grinning)
Me: yes you are! it's because you're thinking about my enormous boobs when you knock me up!
Mike: No I'm not! (even bigger grin)
Me: you are too! you have a giant, ear to ear grin on your face!
Mike: do not! (still grinning)
Me: liar! I can SEE it!
Mike: oh. (still grinning)
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Mike Stories, Pt. 14
Mike: huh? I wasn't paying attention [the topic was sex]
Me: What planet are you from? You're supposed to be from Mars!
Mike: Wait, aren't you supposed to be from Mars?
Me: No. I'm from Venus!
Mike: How come you get to be from Mars?
Me: I'm not. I'm from Venus!
Mike: Have you read that book?
Me: No.
Mike: Me either.
Me: Venus is a goddess, and Mars is a god. Therefore I get to be from Venus, and you're from Mars.
Mike: ooooooohhhhh. I get it.
Me: What planet are you from? You're supposed to be from Mars!
Mike: Wait, aren't you supposed to be from Mars?
Me: No. I'm from Venus!
Mike: How come you get to be from Mars?
Me: I'm not. I'm from Venus!
Mike: Have you read that book?
Me: No.
Mike: Me either.
Me: Venus is a goddess, and Mars is a god. Therefore I get to be from Venus, and you're from Mars.
Mike: ooooooohhhhh. I get it.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Mike Stories, Pt. 13
Mike has recently taken a strong interest in The Mike Stories, and has even tried to influence them (which seems kind of redundant, since they are about him).
First, Mike took Spanish Mike to the next level, by giving him his very own facebook page. (connect to Spanish Mike here). As you would expect, Spanish Mike only posts in Spanish. The first thing Mike did after creating a page for Spanish Mike is as follows:
Mike: Spanish Mike's relationship status is "complicated"
Me: Yeah, I know. Pat thinks that's really funny.
Mike: yeah... well, you should facebook divorce regular Mike, so you can facebook marry Spanish Mike, since it won't let you have 2 relationships.
Me: how about no.
Mike: but!! you should!!
Me: how about this: when we renew our vows in Vegas, we'll do it in Spanish... then I'll think about it.
Mike: will you wear one of those Spanish skirts?
Me: do I get a Spanish speaking Elvis to officiate?
then he wanted to know if I was reading Spanish Mike's page. I told him I don't speak Spanish. Then he told me I should copy/paste it into Google Translate. I told him that he should seriously just translate for me if he wants to tell me something.
Next up, Mike wanted to help create the title for Pt. 12 (see previous entry)... and most recently he has been trying to promote his own fame. We went out with Marilee & Shane over the weekend to SAM to see the Warhol & Kurt exhibits before they ended, and (since we were meeting Shane for the first time), I mentioned to Mike that he would be meeting someone for the very first time who had known of him first via The Mike Stories. Thinking this was extraordinarily cool, Mike told me that The Mike Stories need a facebook fan page. (he tells me he needs fans). dare I tell him that all of his fans are really my fans, since you're all enjoying Mike through my perspective? figuring i might as well indulge his self interest, you can 'like' The Mike Stories on facebook here. check it out, pass it on, and befriend Spanish Mike while you're at it.
First, Mike took Spanish Mike to the next level, by giving him his very own facebook page. (connect to Spanish Mike here). As you would expect, Spanish Mike only posts in Spanish. The first thing Mike did after creating a page for Spanish Mike is as follows:
Mike: Spanish Mike's relationship status is "complicated"
Me: Yeah, I know. Pat thinks that's really funny.
Mike: yeah... well, you should facebook divorce regular Mike, so you can facebook marry Spanish Mike, since it won't let you have 2 relationships.
Me: how about no.
Mike: but!! you should!!
Me: how about this: when we renew our vows in Vegas, we'll do it in Spanish... then I'll think about it.
Mike: will you wear one of those Spanish skirts?
Me: do I get a Spanish speaking Elvis to officiate?
then he wanted to know if I was reading Spanish Mike's page. I told him I don't speak Spanish. Then he told me I should copy/paste it into Google Translate. I told him that he should seriously just translate for me if he wants to tell me something.
Next up, Mike wanted to help create the title for Pt. 12 (see previous entry)... and most recently he has been trying to promote his own fame. We went out with Marilee & Shane over the weekend to SAM to see the Warhol & Kurt exhibits before they ended, and (since we were meeting Shane for the first time), I mentioned to Mike that he would be meeting someone for the very first time who had known of him first via The Mike Stories. Thinking this was extraordinarily cool, Mike told me that The Mike Stories need a facebook fan page. (he tells me he needs fans). dare I tell him that all of his fans are really my fans, since you're all enjoying Mike through my perspective? figuring i might as well indulge his self interest, you can 'like' The Mike Stories on facebook here. check it out, pass it on, and befriend Spanish Mike while you're at it.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The Mike Stories, Pt. 12: Pillow Talk Exclusive
Last night at approximately 11pm:
Mike: I'm closing my eyes now. that means you can't see me anymore!
Me: I think you're confusing us again, because I can still see you. You're the one who can't see!
Mike: no you can't!
Me: yes I can!
Mike: no you can't!
Me: [poke] yes I can!
Mike: hey! you can't see me!
Me: yes I can!
Mike: hmmmph! no you can't!
(5 minutes later)
Me: [poke] I still see you!
Mike: [laughing] no you don't!
Me: yes I do!
Mike: no you don't!
Me: no, it doesn't work that way. when you close your eyes, everybody else can still see you. you're not invisible.
Mike: yes I am!
Me: no you're not!
Mike: yes I am!
Me: I hear a Mike Story coming on!
Mike: [laughing] you should call it Mike Stories: Pillow Talk Exclusive!
Mike: I'm closing my eyes now. that means you can't see me anymore!
Me: I think you're confusing us again, because I can still see you. You're the one who can't see!
Mike: no you can't!
Me: yes I can!
Mike: no you can't!
Me: [poke] yes I can!
Mike: hey! you can't see me!
Me: yes I can!
Mike: hmmmph! no you can't!
(5 minutes later)
Me: [poke] I still see you!
Mike: [laughing] no you don't!
Me: yes I do!
Mike: no you don't!
Me: no, it doesn't work that way. when you close your eyes, everybody else can still see you. you're not invisible.
Mike: yes I am!
Me: no you're not!
Mike: yes I am!
Me: I hear a Mike Story coming on!
Mike: [laughing] you should call it Mike Stories: Pillow Talk Exclusive!
Friday, July 9, 2010
The Mike Stories, Pt. 12
Mike has progressively gotten worse about his cell phone. There was a time not too long ago, when he had a normal phone that he actually had with him on a regular basis. I even remember him sending me sweet cell phone photos when he would go hiking after work, like pictures of daisies because he knows I like them, and pictures of the sunsets.
Then Mike discovered Verizon Dave. Verizon has an app you can use for GPS driving directions. Considering Mike's total lack of a sense of direction, Verizon Navigator was the best thing ever for Mike. (You can choose the voice, and the different voices have names. He went with one called Dave, and we called him Verizon Dave. we even considered addressing a Christmas card to Verizon Dave)
But then Spanish Mike got ahold of Verizon Dave and changed the voice to a Spanish speaking girl voice. That definitely messed with Mike's sense of direction, but on the other hand probably helped with the Spanish learning. (it was also kind of funny).
I suspect it's also Spanish Mike's fault that Mike got rid of the Verizon phone altogether and got one of the cheap pre-paid phones through another company. Then Spanish Mike discovered some service through Google, and swapped out his phone number for that, which is supposed to forward all calls to a phone of your choice. the theory is that it can send your calls to your desk phone during the day at work, and to your cell or home phone in the evening and weekends... or at least i think that's supposed to be the idea. Spanish Mike isn't too big on explanations.
The problem with all of this is that although Mike does have a crappy cell phone without directions.... he never takes it with him. it's always left at home, hiding in the bathroom or under the bed. Every time I have tried to call him in the past 2+ months, it's gone to voicemail. it's totally annoying.
I tried to call Mike tonight to ask him to pick up some stuff to throw on the BBQ for dinner on his way home, so neither of us would have to leave the house again. Naturally I heard his phone ringing about 15 ft away from me when I tried to call him. (big surprise).
Maybe an hour after that, Mike walked in with a bag full of groceries - including a bunch of stuff to BBQ for dinner tonight! Maybe Spanish Mike doesn't need a phone because he can read my mind!
Then Mike discovered Verizon Dave. Verizon has an app you can use for GPS driving directions. Considering Mike's total lack of a sense of direction, Verizon Navigator was the best thing ever for Mike. (You can choose the voice, and the different voices have names. He went with one called Dave, and we called him Verizon Dave. we even considered addressing a Christmas card to Verizon Dave)
But then Spanish Mike got ahold of Verizon Dave and changed the voice to a Spanish speaking girl voice. That definitely messed with Mike's sense of direction, but on the other hand probably helped with the Spanish learning. (it was also kind of funny).
I suspect it's also Spanish Mike's fault that Mike got rid of the Verizon phone altogether and got one of the cheap pre-paid phones through another company. Then Spanish Mike discovered some service through Google, and swapped out his phone number for that, which is supposed to forward all calls to a phone of your choice. the theory is that it can send your calls to your desk phone during the day at work, and to your cell or home phone in the evening and weekends... or at least i think that's supposed to be the idea. Spanish Mike isn't too big on explanations.
The problem with all of this is that although Mike does have a crappy cell phone without directions.... he never takes it with him. it's always left at home, hiding in the bathroom or under the bed. Every time I have tried to call him in the past 2+ months, it's gone to voicemail. it's totally annoying.
I tried to call Mike tonight to ask him to pick up some stuff to throw on the BBQ for dinner on his way home, so neither of us would have to leave the house again. Naturally I heard his phone ringing about 15 ft away from me when I tried to call him. (big surprise).
Maybe an hour after that, Mike walked in with a bag full of groceries - including a bunch of stuff to BBQ for dinner tonight! Maybe Spanish Mike doesn't need a phone because he can read my mind!
Friday, July 2, 2010
The Mike Stories, Pt. 11
Me: What are you doing?
Mike: Reading the internets
Me: oh... what is it?
Mike: Do you want me to send it to you?
Me: no... just tell me. I don't want you to send it.
Mike: I'm going to send it!
Me: I'm not opening it! I'll just send it back!
Mike: There! Sent!
Me: Well I'm sending it back!
Mike: I cleared my chat history! so there!
Me: oh yeah? Well I'm sending it back! There! Take that!
Mike: oooh, what's that? (clicks on the link, so he has the same site open in 2 windows)
Me: DORK!
Mike: Reading the internets
Me: oh... what is it?
Mike: Do you want me to send it to you?
Me: no... just tell me. I don't want you to send it.
Mike: I'm going to send it!
Me: I'm not opening it! I'll just send it back!
Mike: There! Sent!
Me: Well I'm sending it back!
Mike: I cleared my chat history! so there!
Me: oh yeah? Well I'm sending it back! There! Take that!
Mike: oooh, what's that? (clicks on the link, so he has the same site open in 2 windows)
Me: DORK!
The Mike Stories, Pt. 10
The Deck Mess
Mike has been tearing out the deck in the back, which is an especially good thing since he discovered that the wood was very weak and that we could have fallen through the deck at any given time... The problem here is that this is taking much longer than he had lead me to believe, meanwhile leaving a mess that looks like someone put dynamite under the deck and blew it up... there are boards (with nails sticking out, mind you) everywhere... tools everywhere (Mike leaves tools laying around all of the time. I was taught that tools get put away when you're done with them, so you can find them next time... and so they don't rust when you leave them out in the rain. Mike's mess of tools drives me nuts, but I digress)
Tonight
Me: Mike, You should go to the store and get snacks!
Mike: No, you should go!
Me: But Mike, look what your deck mess did to me! (pointing at a big scratch on my leg)
Mike: What were you doing out there, running around?
Me: No, I was letting the dog out, but you have mess everywhere and there's no clear path, so it's like landmines out there!
[note: there is a big temporary fenced off area especially for Morpheus to run and play where there is NO deck mess... at least the dog is safe, right!] :)
Mike: Well look at this... and this... (pointing to various scratches)
Me: Is that from your deck mess too?
Mike: Yes... and this, and this... and this bruise...
Me: Well you know what that proves?
Mike: What?
Me: That you should clean up your mess back there!!
Mike: I was working on it yesterday!
Me: I don't believe you, because it's worse today than it was yesterday!
Mike: (laughs)
Me: So you should go to the store.
Mike: OK.
Mike has been tearing out the deck in the back, which is an especially good thing since he discovered that the wood was very weak and that we could have fallen through the deck at any given time... The problem here is that this is taking much longer than he had lead me to believe, meanwhile leaving a mess that looks like someone put dynamite under the deck and blew it up... there are boards (with nails sticking out, mind you) everywhere... tools everywhere (Mike leaves tools laying around all of the time. I was taught that tools get put away when you're done with them, so you can find them next time... and so they don't rust when you leave them out in the rain. Mike's mess of tools drives me nuts, but I digress)
Tonight
Me: Mike, You should go to the store and get snacks!
Mike: No, you should go!
Me: But Mike, look what your deck mess did to me! (pointing at a big scratch on my leg)
Mike: What were you doing out there, running around?
Me: No, I was letting the dog out, but you have mess everywhere and there's no clear path, so it's like landmines out there!
[note: there is a big temporary fenced off area especially for Morpheus to run and play where there is NO deck mess... at least the dog is safe, right!] :)
Mike: Well look at this... and this... (pointing to various scratches)
Me: Is that from your deck mess too?
Mike: Yes... and this, and this... and this bruise...
Me: Well you know what that proves?
Mike: What?
Me: That you should clean up your mess back there!!
Mike: I was working on it yesterday!
Me: I don't believe you, because it's worse today than it was yesterday!
Mike: (laughs)
Me: So you should go to the store.
Mike: OK.
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