Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Mike Stories, Pt. 41

Tuesday. 4 a.m.

I was jolted awake to the blurry sight of Mike standing in the bedroom doorway telling me to get up. I immediately rolled over and looked at my alarm clock, thinking my alarm clock must not have gone off, and wondering exactly how late I was about to be.... except Mike was going on about something to do with a police officer in the driveway, and I discovered that it was only 4am. I just stared at him for a few minutes. Then I uttered something along the lines of "huh?" ....and finally asked him why he woke me up. Mike said something about the officer needing my statement. I asked him: what statement?! I was sleeping!

Turns out there was a police officer in the driveway because he had just caught someone trying to break into one of our cars. I begrudgingly threw on my bathrobe and wandered downstairs. The officer handed me a plastic evidence bag thing with what looked like a credit card inside, and asked me what it was. the 4am hour did not help. I just stared at it. Eventually I realized it had my name on it. It also had my work's name printed below my name, and it said it was a Debit/Mastercard in the corner. I was a little bewildered by the question. Obviously it was some sort of credit card in my name, except I didn't recognize it. I told him as much - and that the only card I owned was my Debit card, which this was not.

Meanwhile Mike was asking me if it was our medical card. Again, the 4am hour was not helping me here - I told him it was obviously a credit card, not a benefits card. The officer was also going on about how the jerk in the back of the squad car was caught with it, and that he could be charged with a felony for having possession of my credit card instead of just a misdemeanor. Eventually, Mike's nagging about a medical card broke through my 4am haze, and I realized he was talking about our Benny card. It's a card we can use to make use of a benefit I get through work, where I can use pre-tax dollars to pay for certain medical expenses. It hasn't had any funds on it for over a year, and Mike hasn't been able to locate his card for about 2 years.

The officer wanted me to take a look in the car to see if anything else was taken, and give a statement. So I started walking to mine.... and the officer started walking to Mike's. I pointed to my car and told him "that one's mine." He had assumed that the douchebag criminal was robbing my car, because it was my name on the card he'd stolen. This is how we learned where Mike had hidden his Benny card 2 years ago. (It had my name on it, because the benefit is through my workplace). At this point, the officer said something about how he thought it was just Mike's car that had been broken into, because that was the one with unlocked doors. Next I turned my 4am hazy wrath on Mike with something that went about like this: I've been telling you to lock your car doors for years! This is all your fault!

The officer kept apologizing. Poor guy. It wasn't his fault that Mike left something resembling a credit card in his car, with the doors unlocked.... during a spree of car thefts in our neighborhood.... I just asked the officer to tell the criminal that I called him a douchebag for waking me up at such an obnoxious hour, then give him the evil eye all the way.... to wherever they take criminals in my town. (He promised he would).

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