The following is an example of a recurring conversation that happens a lot at our house. (substitute the olives in this case for just about anything you can imagine that I might be using)
Mike (taking one of my olives): "See? I'm sharing!"
Chrissy: "Sharing doesn't mean what you think it means."
Mike: "Yes it does. I'm a good sharer!"
Chrissy: "you're thinking of 'taking'"
Mike: "no, I'm sharing"
Chrissy: "no, you're stealing"
Mike: "but I'm a good sharer"
Chrissy: "no, you're a thief"
Mike: "but I'm sharing"
Chrissy: "that's not sharing."
Mike: "no... it's sharing"
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Mike Stories, Pt. 30
Last night I came into the bedroom, ready for bed... and found the bed completely missing sheets, blankets, and pillows. I asked Mike if he was changing the sheets, and he comes wandering out of the bathroom saying "maybe - you don't know!" After reminding him that's why I was asking (duh), he muttered something about going to get sheets, and left the room. He returned 5 minutes later with a package of new socks, stuck them on the dresser, and started wandering around the room.
At that point, I told him "Hey! those aren't sheets!"
he said "oh yeah" and left the room again. Then he came back with sheets from the dryer that weren't actually dry yet, and tried to put those on the bed. After telling he I wanted DRY sheets, he left the room again, and finally came back with an acceptable set of sheets. Third time's the charm, I guess!
At that point, I told him "Hey! those aren't sheets!"
he said "oh yeah" and left the room again. Then he came back with sheets from the dryer that weren't actually dry yet, and tried to put those on the bed. After telling he I wanted DRY sheets, he left the room again, and finally came back with an acceptable set of sheets. Third time's the charm, I guess!
The Mike Stories, Pt. 29
We have been taking our dog, Morpheus, to nosework classes for several months now. He's learning how to use his nose to find various things. He started out finding freeze-dried liver dog treats, and he's worked his way up to finding q-tips scented with birch and anise. He's gotten really good at it, and in class he's working on finding two scents during the same search.
So with that in mind, yesterday Mike was looking for his keys (which happens often - he hasn't settled on a single place in the house where they "belong" so they end up wherever he happens to set them down. sometimes that means they get stuck way down in the couch cushions or worse). During yesterday's key hunt, Mike told me that we should teach Morpheus how to find our keys. That sounded like a great idea to me - since Mike sometimes also hides my keys. I told him we should use a different scent for our keys than we use for nosework class - and in fact that we should probably use a scent we're unlikely to use in nosework class to avoid confusion. Potentially even a different scent for my keys than for Mike's keys, and different search words so he knows what he's after when we tell him to find them.
Next Mike got technical about the whole thing. He started talking about how we would have to go get a pouch to hold the scent, so I told him it shouldn't be hard to just sew one. (honestly I was surprised he didn't jump straight to making it himself. He wants to make everything himself lately, from curtains to back-yard furniture, to clothing and dog toys). Once he realized that a small pouch for his key chain was totally feasible to make, he got really excited and started talking about scents. First he wanted to use a different scented oil, and I reminded him that he'd have to be careful about 2 things: it shouldn't be a scent that we might use in class, and it shouldn't be a scent that would be commonly found around our house. After suggesting oregano (and getting shot down since that's definitely common in our kitchen), he got all excited and suggested patchouli. At this point he told me that we need to take Morpheus to a hippie store so we can get cones of patchouli incense to attach to our keys. he swears that if we just use the whole cone, our keys will smell like patchouli forever.
(can't you just see our giant hippie dog running around the house searching for our patchouli scented keys the next time Mike loses them?!)
So with that in mind, yesterday Mike was looking for his keys (which happens often - he hasn't settled on a single place in the house where they "belong" so they end up wherever he happens to set them down. sometimes that means they get stuck way down in the couch cushions or worse). During yesterday's key hunt, Mike told me that we should teach Morpheus how to find our keys. That sounded like a great idea to me - since Mike sometimes also hides my keys. I told him we should use a different scent for our keys than we use for nosework class - and in fact that we should probably use a scent we're unlikely to use in nosework class to avoid confusion. Potentially even a different scent for my keys than for Mike's keys, and different search words so he knows what he's after when we tell him to find them.
Next Mike got technical about the whole thing. He started talking about how we would have to go get a pouch to hold the scent, so I told him it shouldn't be hard to just sew one. (honestly I was surprised he didn't jump straight to making it himself. He wants to make everything himself lately, from curtains to back-yard furniture, to clothing and dog toys). Once he realized that a small pouch for his key chain was totally feasible to make, he got really excited and started talking about scents. First he wanted to use a different scented oil, and I reminded him that he'd have to be careful about 2 things: it shouldn't be a scent that we might use in class, and it shouldn't be a scent that would be commonly found around our house. After suggesting oregano (and getting shot down since that's definitely common in our kitchen), he got all excited and suggested patchouli. At this point he told me that we need to take Morpheus to a hippie store so we can get cones of patchouli incense to attach to our keys. he swears that if we just use the whole cone, our keys will smell like patchouli forever.
(can't you just see our giant hippie dog running around the house searching for our patchouli scented keys the next time Mike loses them?!)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The Mike Stories, Pt. 28
I'm not Catholic, but I like pretending I am, and so I gave up sweets this year for lent (which has worked out great - it's been a great excuse for when I DON'T really want to accept someone's nice gift of donuts and cupcakes at work)... but I have definitely missed Easter candy this year. Easter candy is fantastic! And so - tomorrow is Easter, which marks the end of lent, which of course means I can have Easter candy tomorrow!... in the spirit of lent and Easter, I just had the following conversation with Mike...
Chrissy: would it be wrong to bust out a bag of jelly beans at Mass tomorrow?
Mike: well yeah, you can't do that because you're supposed to fast until you have communion.
Chrissy: but I'm not Catholic, so I can't have communion...
Mike: I don't know how that works, but I'm sure it's the same. and anyway, you would still have to wait until you got outside after Mass. it's not like you can have communion and then pop in a piece of gum.
Chrissy: why not??!
Mike: well for one thing you just committed an act of cannibalism because Catholics believe you're really eating the body of Jesus.
Chrissy: in that case, what if you're just trying to get the taste of human flesh out of your mouth?
Mike: I'm sure fresh breath spray would be ok!
Chrissy: would it be wrong to bust out a bag of jelly beans at Mass tomorrow?
Mike: well yeah, you can't do that because you're supposed to fast until you have communion.
Chrissy: but I'm not Catholic, so I can't have communion...
Mike: I don't know how that works, but I'm sure it's the same. and anyway, you would still have to wait until you got outside after Mass. it's not like you can have communion and then pop in a piece of gum.
Chrissy: why not??!
Mike: well for one thing you just committed an act of cannibalism because Catholics believe you're really eating the body of Jesus.
Chrissy: in that case, what if you're just trying to get the taste of human flesh out of your mouth?
Mike: I'm sure fresh breath spray would be ok!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The Mike Stories, Pt. 27
I was watching the new episode of Criminal Minds with Mike, and Emily Prentiss's character died. it prompted the following conversation:
Chrissy: what!! why would they kill her off?
Mike: I don't know!
Chrissy: but she was a main character!!
Mike: I don't know how these things work!
Chrissy: but Mike!...
Mike: I don't know... maybe it's like Survivor
Chrissy: what, like behind the scenes they voted her off the island?
Mike: yeah, who knows!
Chrissy: if you say so
Mike: I'll look on the internet. Maybe they'll say why she's not on the show anymore.
*for Criminal Minds fans, Emily Prentiss isn't really dead. you'll just have to watch that episode to find out what actually happened.
Chrissy: what!! why would they kill her off?
Mike: I don't know!
Chrissy: but she was a main character!!
Mike: I don't know how these things work!
Chrissy: but Mike!...
Mike: I don't know... maybe it's like Survivor
Chrissy: what, like behind the scenes they voted her off the island?
Mike: yeah, who knows!
Chrissy: if you say so
Mike: I'll look on the internet. Maybe they'll say why she's not on the show anymore.
*for Criminal Minds fans, Emily Prentiss isn't really dead. you'll just have to watch that episode to find out what actually happened.
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Mike Stories, Pt. 26
We just saw a commercial for the news (which is coming on in about 5 minutes), promising an upcoming story about a dozen or so middle schoolers who were expelled for holding Fight Club in the bathrooms. It also promised an exclusive on why parents are angry about how the school handled it....
to which I replied with a nasty "oh I'm sure they are too - schools just can't win. we're always evil and wrong - how about holding the stupid kids accountable for their poor choices?"
and Mike says: "I know! Everyone knows the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club! duh!"
***
two minutes later:
Me: Mike, I think you have set a record.
Mike: for what?
Me: For how many Mike Stories you can cause me to post in a single day. So far you're up to 3.
Mike: You're funny, Chrissy!
Me: No, you're funny, and you're on a roll tonight!
to which I replied with a nasty "oh I'm sure they are too - schools just can't win. we're always evil and wrong - how about holding the stupid kids accountable for their poor choices?"
and Mike says: "I know! Everyone knows the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club! duh!"
***
two minutes later:
Me: Mike, I think you have set a record.
Mike: for what?
Me: For how many Mike Stories you can cause me to post in a single day. So far you're up to 3.
Mike: You're funny, Chrissy!
Me: No, you're funny, and you're on a roll tonight!
The Mike Stories, Pt. 25
Mike is really on a roll today!
He is currently in the front room attempting to re-cover this old chair of mine. it's a chair that I "stole" ages ago from a shared house where I lived back in my college days. it had been there since before I moved in... and one by one all of the roommates who pre-dated me moved out, yet the chair was still there. I always liked the chair, and since it had become owner-less, it didn't seem like it would be much of a bother to anyone if I took it with me. (no one ever complained).
Mike has never re-covered a chair before, so this is a giant experiment. the chair is probably at least as old as I am, and had a pretty war torn look to it, so when Mike suggested giving this a try, I didn't imagine that the poor thing could look much worse. I was just reminding him, though, that if my chair looks like a trash heap when he's done, we're getting it professionally re-covered. Mike then told me that there was some structural damage to the chair, and told me it would make more sense to just buy a new chair if it came to that. Nothing dangerous - just nothing worth paying to have professionally re-covered. I must have looked disappointed, because he then assured me that he would do his best to make it look nice in the end.
I told him I would really appreciate it if the chair turned out nice, since I've always liked the chair. it's a comfortable one for curling up and reading a book. My giant bookshelf is right next to it in the front room, and we're planning to get another bookshelf for that area soon - so I told him that if he pulls it off, it'll be like our own little library in there. I told him that I've always wanted my own library, but that I always imagined a spiral staircase leading up to it... to which he replied "me too!!!!"
He then proceeded to tell me how we should alter our front room/dining room space to accommodate a home library that could potentially include a spiral staircase. The actual conversation at this point involved a LOT of pointing, and I will do my best to describe this very visually based conversation legibly. Ready?:
Our front door opens into a small living-room like front room with vaulted ceilings. That space opens directly into the dining room. There is a catwalk-like horizontal beam dividing the two spaces. It's placed at about the right height for an average ceiling. (the cats love to hang out on it).
Mike proposed converting the beam into a ceiling/floor space above the dining room, thus creating an extra room above the dining room. The vaulted ceiling in that area slopes, so that it is about 3 ft higher than the beam at the lowest point, and perhaps 7 or 8 ft higher than the beam at the highest point (keep in mind here that I have dyscalculia, and my estimations here are based solely on my conversation with Mike, and the estimates that he stated - which in all probability are wrong)
I started laughing hysterically at this idea, and asked him what's he going to do? crawl around in his new library up there? He said no, he can stand up at the taller side - so I asked him what's he going to do with the short side? put in bean bag chairs? (he liked that idea very much). Then I proposed converting it into our kid's bedroom so we don't have to give up one of the other rooms when we have a kid. (this was followed by a funny conversation about how we could send the kid to their bedroom when they misbehave at the dinner table, directly below their room.
The light in the dining room, of course, hangs down from the vaulted ceiling. I asked him what's he going to do, put a hole in the floor of his new room to accommodate the light? then you could also look down and stare at unsuspecting guests during dinner.
In the end I pointed out that any future potential buyers probably wouldn't love the strange loft room... but considering that I don't ever want to move, I invited him to do whatever he wants!
He is currently in the front room attempting to re-cover this old chair of mine. it's a chair that I "stole" ages ago from a shared house where I lived back in my college days. it had been there since before I moved in... and one by one all of the roommates who pre-dated me moved out, yet the chair was still there. I always liked the chair, and since it had become owner-less, it didn't seem like it would be much of a bother to anyone if I took it with me. (no one ever complained).
Mike has never re-covered a chair before, so this is a giant experiment. the chair is probably at least as old as I am, and had a pretty war torn look to it, so when Mike suggested giving this a try, I didn't imagine that the poor thing could look much worse. I was just reminding him, though, that if my chair looks like a trash heap when he's done, we're getting it professionally re-covered. Mike then told me that there was some structural damage to the chair, and told me it would make more sense to just buy a new chair if it came to that. Nothing dangerous - just nothing worth paying to have professionally re-covered. I must have looked disappointed, because he then assured me that he would do his best to make it look nice in the end.
I told him I would really appreciate it if the chair turned out nice, since I've always liked the chair. it's a comfortable one for curling up and reading a book. My giant bookshelf is right next to it in the front room, and we're planning to get another bookshelf for that area soon - so I told him that if he pulls it off, it'll be like our own little library in there. I told him that I've always wanted my own library, but that I always imagined a spiral staircase leading up to it... to which he replied "me too!!!!"
He then proceeded to tell me how we should alter our front room/dining room space to accommodate a home library that could potentially include a spiral staircase. The actual conversation at this point involved a LOT of pointing, and I will do my best to describe this very visually based conversation legibly. Ready?:
Our front door opens into a small living-room like front room with vaulted ceilings. That space opens directly into the dining room. There is a catwalk-like horizontal beam dividing the two spaces. It's placed at about the right height for an average ceiling. (the cats love to hang out on it).
Mike proposed converting the beam into a ceiling/floor space above the dining room, thus creating an extra room above the dining room. The vaulted ceiling in that area slopes, so that it is about 3 ft higher than the beam at the lowest point, and perhaps 7 or 8 ft higher than the beam at the highest point (keep in mind here that I have dyscalculia, and my estimations here are based solely on my conversation with Mike, and the estimates that he stated - which in all probability are wrong)
I started laughing hysterically at this idea, and asked him what's he going to do? crawl around in his new library up there? He said no, he can stand up at the taller side - so I asked him what's he going to do with the short side? put in bean bag chairs? (he liked that idea very much). Then I proposed converting it into our kid's bedroom so we don't have to give up one of the other rooms when we have a kid. (this was followed by a funny conversation about how we could send the kid to their bedroom when they misbehave at the dinner table, directly below their room.
The light in the dining room, of course, hangs down from the vaulted ceiling. I asked him what's he going to do, put a hole in the floor of his new room to accommodate the light? then you could also look down and stare at unsuspecting guests during dinner.
In the end I pointed out that any future potential buyers probably wouldn't love the strange loft room... but considering that I don't ever want to move, I invited him to do whatever he wants!
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